Truth be told I’ve had a really difficult time settling in over here, which has seen me shy away from everyone, because I just don’t really know who to reach out to. I feel caught in the middle of two lives. Not having achieved all I expected in London by now, and having said goodbye to the life I was comfortably tired of in Sydney.
Someone I cared for deeply has stopped talking to me, without warning or reason as to why and its left me hurt and bewildered. The last I heard from them was a message they sent pertaining to the fact that our friendship must have meant very little to me because I was able to walk away so easily.The accusations are insulting at best. Still, they will think what they will, and precious little will come of me trying to persuade them otherwise. I can only walk away, wish them the best, and trust that we both learn from the experience.
In this twisted game we call life; the best things can often be found in the trickiest of places. I feel it is important for me to push beyond the realms of what is comfortable and known and pleasant, so I can find out exactly what I am capable of. I owe it to myself to make a go of things here. To continue to feel sorry or guilty for leaving helps no one, rather makes the entire endeavour a waste.
Moving on...
Since my last entry I have travelled to Sweden and absolutely adored it. Architecturally it appeared quite similar to Prague, with houses and buildings dating back to the 13th Century. Most of the historic buildings in Stockholm are conserved I've learnt, most likely because the city was fortunate enough to have escaped the war that inflicted so much destruction upon other European cities.
Akin to a lot of European cities (Prague and Switzerland spring to mind), Stockholm's best clubs and watering holes were found by chance. Perhaps hidden behind a fruit shop, a flower market or inside a shopping centre.
My grandparents have a couple of summer houses on a small island in Sweden, Järnäsklubb. 12 miles from the larger village of Nordmaling. Time was spent picnicing, on boat trips to other islands, blueberry picking, patting elks and a visit to a sculpture exhibition within the grounds of a former psychiatric facility. Of course I downed my fair share of schnapps and consumed of many a Swedish meat ball. Traditional Swedish schnapps glasses don’t have flat bottoms, i.e. the only way to rest them is to turn them upside down when you are finished drinking. Good news (read: bad news) for someone like me.
Had very bad luck with flights to and from unfortunately, which amongs other things resulted in a loss of about £350. This is what you get for booking cheap tickets.
I started looking for work during the English Summer Holidays which made things difficult. However, I am pleased to announce I now FINALLY have a job.
I'm working for a property management group within the finance/credit control division. A varied role, and quite a lot of face to face customer interaction which I much prefer to simply phone contact.
I haven’t really gone out that much in terms of clubbing. Haven’t really had the desire surprisingly enough. I guess it stems from lack of money and living outside of the areas serviced by night busses. I am going to use the next few months to save my booty off so I can move out, and leave the partying until then. For now (as tripe as it sounds), I am working on building a healthy mind and body, and will try to surround myself with only positive people, rather than the energy and positivity sapping vampires I’ve encountered in the past.
I have occupied myself with dinners on Brick Lane, cabaret shows, cupcake sampling, drinking cider in the park, comedy clubs, visits to the many free galleries and museums (Tate Modern and Natural History Museum being my favourites), market meandering and French lessons. There was also a trip to Brighton in there somewhere :)
One of my favourite past times has been to close my eyes, point to a spot on the tube map and wonder around that particular area for the day. London is such an incredible city to get lost in.
Picadilly Circus is my happy place. Whenever I'm feeling confused, I take myself there and stroll around until I've either managed to solve whatever problem I was plagued with, or I've zoned out enough to have forgotten what was troubling me in the first place. 10 years ago, I was in Picadilly Circus with my Mother, Father and Brother, and bought a Lonsdale jumper from Lillywhites. I remember being so, so happy; and it was then I decided London would some day be my home.
